To Spend a Life
by MichelleS-9
Summary: A Nilarke story - Set post season 4... Consider it a reimagining of what could have happened once the bunker opened.


A/N: Found this today hiding in my computer... wrote it ages ago and for some reason, never posted it. Granted, I wrote it before season 5 came out, so it does not match the show post season 4. I think I wrote it as a hope for how it would play out. I still haven't watched the new season, so I'll have to see how well I did.

Anyway, there's not nearly enough Nilarke love out here, so enjoy this in any event.

* * *

It had taken over 5 weeks of grueling work to dig through the remnants of Polis. Once Bellamy, Murphy, and the rest of the space dwellers finally made it back to the surface and reunited with Clarke, their immediate focus lay on the bunker and their trapped loved ones.

Clark had spent much of the year and a half prior moving what she could from the pile. What she needed was help. Their united efforts accomplished what Clarke and Madi alone could not; the bigger debris were no match for three determined men and two tough grounders. Bellamy and Clarke in particular rarely slept the entire month. Raven often had to force them to take breaks, citing their need to recover or potentially lose more time when they needed to recuperate.

Madi, who had little to no memory of other people besides Clarke, was enamored with Amorie, who to her credit was patient and receptive to the child's continued questions. They spent many hours together while Clarke was engrossed with the physical task at hand.

The work was made vastly easier with Monty's engineering help; Clarke wasn't sure at first where she should start. Between Monty and Raven, they were able to accurately pinpoint the bunker's position under the rubble even after most landmarks were demolished in Priamfiya. Raven struggled with most physical tasks, but drove the rover hauling out the slabs of concrete to help the group.

Only Echo seemed reluctant as they grew closer to the door each day. And with good reason since her last encounter with the inhabitants of the bunker left her to certain death. Bellamy spent many of his rest hours on reassuring her that 6 years apart would soften Octavia's resolve to see her banished.

"Besides," he pointed out. "You are helping save her life. You will have earned the way back in. Especially after I tell her how many times you saved me on the Ark." She smiled at him.

Clarke was mostly silent during the whole process, intent on the task which she worried would be in vain. Since they had no contact with the bunker there was no way to know if the 1200 souls below were still alive. There was no other choice but to keep digging and find out. The others were in good spirits, free from their captivity in space, but despite their company, Clarke couldn't muster much positivity until she saw with her own eyes those who she loved still trapped below the surface.

Finally, 39 days after they began working, the door was visible. Murphy gave a loud cheer, and the others who were resting at their temporary camp ran over.

Clarke's heart was in her chest as they worked with renewed vigor, clearing the last debris with enthusiasm. Bellamy knocked on the door loudly, yelling loudly.

They waited a few minutes, and looked around at each other grimly. Then Clarke reached down and knocked again. This time, her knock was answered with a thumping from the other side of the barrier. Bellamy hugged her tightly as they backed up away from the door.

It creaked open, and, with a shudder, fell open. Two armed men, Trikru from their markings, stepped out into the bright sunlight. Seeing their rescuers, they relaxed and from directly behind them, a woman cried out. "Bellamy!" and Octavia pushed her way through them and hugged Bellamy tightly. "You made it," she said. "I knew you would!"

Behind her, people from the bunker starting making their way cautiously out. Jaha, Markus, and Abby leading the group.

"Mom!" Clarke called, and Abby rushed to her, hugging her tightly.

Abby cried, hugging her daughter for the first time in over six years. "I knew you would survive. I just had to believe I'd see you again some day. How was the Ark?" She asked.

"Oh I never made it to the Ark," Clark said. "I've been living right above you guys."

"Nightblood worked?" Abby asked incredulously. Clarke nodded.

"Yes, it worked."

Abby looked behind Clarke at the bunker door and smiled. "Someone else wants to say hi."

Clarke turned around with her heart beating hard.

A tall woman had just stepped up through the door. Clarke took a shaky step towards her.

"Niylah," Clarke breathed.

Niylah's eyes filled with tears. "I didn't know if you survived or not. I always hoped. I always dreamed I'd see you again one day." She took a step closer to Clarke, who put her hands up and took a half step backward.

"I know I've been away for a long time, and if you've moved on and you are happy with someone else, I'll understand, I just needed to know you were alive," She said, her voice cracking unintentionally.

Niylah hesitated. "I sought the comfort of others in your absence, I won't deny that."

Clarke nodded. "Its alright, I wouldn't have expected you to wait for me, not knowing if we'd ever meet again."

"Let me finish," Niylah continued, pressing on. "I did give my body to others, but never my heart. I couldn't give that away, since you already had it." She smiled stepping closer to Clarke. "You've had it all along, since the first days I met you."

Clarke smiled broadly and stepped closer to the other woman. "I've thought of you every day since we were separated. The thought of you kept me going. Every day, I would clear part of that rubble, and when I was tired and had to stop working, I would think of you, and move just one more piece. Just one more step closer to you."

Niylah laughed throatily. "And here I thought I was the hopelessly lovesick one," She continued. "Some days I could barely think of anything but you."

Clarke wasted no more time gathering the other woman up in her arms and bringing their lips together for a kiss that was 6 and a half years overdue. A small finger poked her tentatively, and the two broke apart to see Madi standing there beside them.

"Is this her?" She asked quietly.

Clarke grinned. "Yes, this is her." She looked back to Niylah smiling. "Niylah, this is Madi. Madi, this is Niylah."

Madi surprised them both by hugging Niylah tightly.

"Clarke talked about you all the time. Plus sometimes, when she fell asleep, she talked about you then too." Niylah knelt down to see Madi more clearly.

"And do I live up to everything she said?" She asked raising an eyebrow at Clarke.

"Well, I'm only just meeting you," Madi shrugged. "But you are definitely as pretty as Clarke said you'd be."

"Well, you have me at a disadvantage, because you know all about me and I don't know anything about you!" Niylah exclaimed. Clarke knelt down and joined the pair.

"I'm a nightblood, Clarke found me five years ago. She's taught me everything I know," Madi said proudly.

"Sounds like we are going to get along great, Madi, because Clarke has taught me all sorts of things too," Niylah continued, winking at Clarke, who promptly blushed, and hid her face against Niylah's shoulder.

Abby chose that moment to return to the reunited couple. "And who might you be?" She asked, bending down to face Madi.

"Madi, this is my mother, Abby." Abby smiled and stretched out a hand to shake the young girl's, but Madi had other ideas when she hugged Abby tightly instead.

"Clarke told me you are really nice," Madi said brightly. "And that I should always listen to you, because you are really smart."

"She did?" Abby asked incredulously. "Well that's funny because she certainly spent enough time not listening to me." She smirked at Clarke.

"Madi, go ahead and see Bellamy. Octavia is with him and you haven't met her yet." Madi nodded and ran off.

"Sorry," Clarke said, rising to her feet and pulling Niylah with her. "I taught her to always be honest. And she is a hugger. It hasn't been much of a problem with just the two of us for these few years."

Niylah laughed. "It's refreshing. She hasn't learned to hold back her emotions. I hope you never teach her to do that."

Clarke smiled as Kane and Octavia joined them. "Clarke," he said, grasping her arm tightly in the Trikru fashion.

"Kane," Clarke responded. "It's good to see you."

"I look forward to catching up with you. In the meantime, the sun is setting. Should we make camp up here?"

Clarke hesitated. "It may be for the best if you sleep in the bunker and we make camp in the light. There are different dangers on the surface now than before, and it is safer in the day."

Kane nodded. "This is why we didn't let everyone rush out immediately. It would have been hard to corral this many people again. Octavia?"

Octavia nodded. "Yes, let's keep our people safe." She motioned for her warriors, and they stood at attention. "Round up our people. We will stay underground for tonight and tomorrow, we rise!"

Madi ran over to Clarke. "Can we stay in the bunker too, Clarke? Please?" Clarke smiled.

"I must stay with our camp, but if Amorie or Raven will look after you, you may stay with them tonight."

Madi turned to Raven with pleading in her eyes. "Please can I stay with you guys?"

Raven laughed. "Of course."

Clarke smiled. "I will return for you in the morning. You must listen to everything they tell you to do, ok?"

"Definitely!" She bounded over and grasped the woman's hand. "Let's go into the bunker!" Amorie laughed and allowed the child to lead her to door, grasping John with her other hand and tugging him along too.

Echo hesitated and looked to Octavia questioningly. Octavia motioned her over to the door. "Come on, Echo. My brother tells me you've earned your place back with our people." Bellamy nodded. "You can tell me of your redemption over a drink."

Only Niylah and Clarke were left still standing above ground. Kane paused at the door. "You coming?" Clarke answered back quickly.

"No, we're good." Kane nodded and retreated down into the bunker.

"Come with me?" Clarke asked Niylah, who just smiled before pulling the other woman close and kissing her again.

Clarke pulled away unwillingly. "We need to get home before darkness falls completely. I wasn't kidding about the dangers." She grasped Niylah's hand tightly and pulled her to the rover.

It wasn't a long drive. Niylah watched out the window at the barren land around them, shocked at the devastation. When grass and trees were finally visible in front of them, Niylah sighed in relief.

"Don't worry," Clarke reassured her. "Its much nicer over here. The area around Polis is a wasteland, but there are spaces that have regrown quickly." Indeed, as they continued to drive, the space around them was transformed into lush forest.

"We're here."Clarke said, pulling to a stop. Niylah looked out the window at what appeared to be a cave entrance, with a metal door guarding the front.

"Come on," Clarke said. "Let's get inside." Niylah got out and waited for Clarke to walk around the rover, and intertwined their fingers lightly. She walked slowly over to door, and pulled it open. They stepped inside, and Clarke reached over to light a few candles to guide them.

"It's not much, but it's home," Clarke said, watching Niylah's reaction to what she had built over the last few years.

"I think its beautiful," Niylah said honestly. Crude attempts at wood carved furniture filled the space. It seemed bigger on the inside than Niylah had anticipated, but still small enough to be a cozy space. A fireplace was at the center of whay Niylah assumed was the shared space, and two dark wooden doors stood closed at the other end. In the ceiling, Clarke had painstakingly dug out dozens of skylights in the top of the cave, and filled them with brightly colored glass pieces in irregular shapes. It was dark by then, but Niylah guessed during the daylight hours, the sun would catch on the panes and give sparkling light.

In the small light cast by Clarke's candle, Niylah could barely make out drawn pictures tacked to the cave walls. Mostly portraits. Many familiar faces looked back at her when she stepped closer to them. Bellamy, standing with Octavia. Madi, Abby, and an unfamiliar man whom Niylah could only assume was Clarke's father. One of a war painted Lexa, astride a black horse and wielding her sword high above her head.

Then Niylah looked at the next one. A picture of her, standing behind the counter in her father's shop. The next, a picture of her bare back, the tattoo she received at her Trikru initiation displayed prominently, with her looking over her shoulder. A close up detailed picture of her face. Niylah was looking so intently at these pictures she didn't notice at first that Clarke had stepped up next to her.

"This one took the longest to get right. I had to start over so many times, because it just didn't capture you right." Niylah looked back to her with tears in her eyes. Clarke faltered. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I can take them down, I'm sorry." Niylah reached up and stilled her hands which were reaching for the portrait.

"No, it's perfect. I just can't believe you made these. This is beautiful drawing."

"I have others," Clarke said shyly. "But they're a little too mature for Madi, so I hung them in my bedroom instead."

"Show me?" Niylah asked simply. Clarke nodded, and led her to the first door on the right.

This room was much smaller, and had only a few of the skylights like in the rest of the house. The only furniture in the room was a large bed, covered in brown and white furs. A few crude hooks on the walls held articles of clothing, but nearly every other inch of space on the wall were covered in hand drawn pictures. Most were in black and white like a picture of the two of them together in Clarke's quarters on Arkadia. But some were in full color, most noticeably a rather erotic paining that took up an entire panel depicting Clarke with her vibrant dyed red hair on Niylah's bed back at the old trading post, with a completely nude representation of herself astride the younger woman.

Clarke chuckled quietly. "I may have gone a little overboard with that one," she admitted. "But I needed something to fuel my fantasies."

Niylah nodded and looked back to Clarke, understanding completely. "I am not an artist like you Clarke. But we had a tradition of telling stories in the bunker, and I told more than one about you."

"What stories did you tell?" Asked Clarke curiously. Niylah thought back to her first story.

\- 3 Years Before -

"We aren't going to be treated to another one of the same stories you always tell, are we Natan?" Niylah asked exasperatedly, looking at the rowdy table of Azkeda warriors seated in her bar.

"Why is it that you've never given us a story?" the larger Azgeda clansman said in mock anger. "You can't scorn our stories without giving us one of your own!" The assembled off duty crew nodded, tapping their glasses on the tables.

Niylah nodded and threw back the shot she was holding. "You all want a story?" She asked loudly, rising to her feet. The grounders around her bar cheered, banging on the tables in anticipation. The Skaikru who had been quietly drinking perked up at her words, growing more interested. Kane and Abby even looked up from where they had been quietly working over a drink.

"Of all the stories I've heard in this bar the past few years, none compare to this tale!" She shouted, raising her arms. Abby smiled. This was a typical grounder build-up; one up-manship was a time honored tradition among their kind. Her audience was eating it up, cheering and shaking their chairs and tables.

"This story is not of epic battle, or death to my enemies. Instead, this is a more bittersweet and emotional. A love story," she continued, more quietly now that all ears were listening.

"A few years ago," Niylah began. "I tended a trading post with my father in Trikru lands on the western border near Azkeda. One day, a clan-less woman showed up with supplies to trade. Worthless things, to be sure. Bits of rope, broken tech. She seemed at the end of her strength, tired, and hungry. I took pity on her. Although," she said laughing. "I didn't know if it would be worth it or not. I gave her some food. And then I gave her some help. Taught to make effective snares, weapons. I still wasn't convinced she'd live, but at least she had a fighting chance." She looked around at the group, seeing she had their rapt attention.

"Turns out, it was worth it. Although the first kill she brought to trade, I almost laughed her out of the store. The smallest rabbit I've ever seen, and she was so proud of it. She put it on the table like she's killed a hundred pound steer! Our youngest hunters in Trikru bring better dinner home than she did!" The room erupted in peals of laughter. "She took the little I taught her and spent time developing her skill in the woods. A few weeks later, she did bring me a steer." Niylah paused to take another drink. Her audience was still engrossed.

"She came in regularly, although never when my father was there. I'd say he probably intimidated her, but in truth, I think nothing ever did scare her. She was fearless. A true warrior!" The crowd tapped glasses on the tables again, cheering almost deafeningly. "She didn't think I knew who she was, beyond just coming in to the store and trading. But I knew her. I knew her heart. She took on an army with her people, but she was the one who beat that enemy down. She had spirit, fire! A true leader!" At this the group assembled was screaming. Niylah waited for them to calm down before continuing.

"A warrior like that makes enemies. One day came when she brought me the finest kill I've ever received. Full grown mountain cat, neatly slain. She was injured, weakened. Two men came into the store, searching for her. She kept her gaze averted, and I gave them a story about how she'd come and gone. When they'd left, she asked me why I'd lied for her. She didn't know it yet, but I'd already come to care for her," at this, Niylah looked down, lost in her own memories.

"Tell the rest!" The Azgeda man said loudly. " When did you finally take her to bed?" He leered suggestively at her.

Niylah laughed. "Please? A woman like that, Natan? She took me to bed, not the other way around. That very night. I offered to dress her wounds from the mountain cat. I was trying to make conversation about her victorious battles, but she had something else in mind."

"Don't spare the details!" Natan begged.

"The details are my own," Niylah said forcefully. "I will tell you, however. that she made love like she fought. Hard, unceasingly, recklessly. I've never met her equal in all my years. You've never had her equal either Natan, for there are none like her out there."

Niylah continued. "When I woke, she was gone. I had to wait months before I saw her again, when she stormed into my trading post with a group of Skaikru and demanded to use my space. Demanding seems like it may be the best way to describe her when she was on a mission. I won't deny she pushed me to the point of fighting her more than once."

"The best women do!" Called a warrior from the back of the room, holding his drink high. The whole bar roared with laughter. Niylah chuckled in agreement.

"I lost track of her for a time after that, lost her to another. But time can change things, and I met up with her many weeks later. We rekindled our passion, and make no mistake, however brief our time together was, there was always passion." The men cheered rowdily. "It was a shame I never got a chance to find out what could be."

"She didn't get to come to the bunker?" Natan asked dejectedly.

"If she did, do you think she'd let me tell you this story?" Niylah shot back at him quickly. They chuckled a little at this.

"That is a sad story," Natan's tablemate said. "I thought this was love story. Only happy endings in those."

"Oh it may still have a happy ending. She was smart. Strong. And she had nightblood running through her veins. She may still be alive and waiting for me. I have to have hope that she'll be on the other side of that door when we finally get to open it. Hope is all I can have. All any of us have, really. We have to believe that a better life will be waiting for us when we leave this sanctuary."

"Who was she?" Natan kom Azkeda asked. "Who was this amazing woman? You've not given her name."

Niylah smiled. "She has a name. But you all know her better by her title of honor. The great Wanheda!Commander of Death. Defender of the clans, executioner of the mountain scourge!" At this, the warriors rose to their feet, cheering, making noise with their chairs, tables and clapping loudly. Several rose to clap Niylah on the back, and grasp her arm in the warrior hold.

"Who has the next story?" Niylah asked loudly, and the next grounder rose to spin a tale. Niylah returned to the back of the bar, cleaning glasses and lost in her memories of Clark. She didn't notice at first that Abby had sat down at the bar in front of her, until she looked up with tears in her eyes.

"After all this time?" Abby asked her simply. Niylah nodded.

"Since I first met her, and probably forever, I will love your daughter," Niylah responded. "It has been so long since I last heard her voice and saw her face, but I'll keep looking until I know for sure I've lost her. It's been three years since that door closed," Niylah continued. "And a day hasn't passed that I haven't thought of her and longed for her."

"She's resourceful," Abby said, blinking back tears of her own. "She got on that ship. She and the others will come down when its safe, and she'll be here to greet us both when that door opens."

Niylah nodded. "Yes, I know she will. But 5 years is a long time. And I was never her first choice, Abby. I will likely not be in her thoughts as she is in mine."

"Don't say that, Niylah," Abby whispered. "I know that she loved Lexa, but that was in her past. You were her future, I know it."

Niylah smiled at her sadly. "I want so badly to believe that, Abby. I understood how she felt about Lexa. I never tried to compete with that."

"I saw a difference in her after you started hanging around," Abby smiled. "She was more thoughtful, more concerned about how her actions affected others. She is better for having met you, Niylah. I truly believe that."

Niylah could only nod.

"Plus, its nice for me to actually meet and get to know my daughter's love interest for once," Abby said with a laugh. "Usually I don't know until after the fact, and I never really get a chance to grill them."

Niylah leaned back nervously. "I hope I pass the test."

"Well, you almost failed during that story. The last thing I want to hear about in a bar is my daughter's sex life."

Niylah nodded. "Understandable, but I spared you any dirty details. I'm not about to give details about my most intimate moments out to a bunch of drunks in a bar. But I'm not sorry that I told the story. I've had more than a few offers to share a bed with some of my more persistent patrons, and some are starting to take offense to my continued refusals."

"You haven't even considered it after these many months?" Abby asked incredulously. "You would have to be the strongest woman I've ever met then. This is a long time to go without any human connection."

Niylah shrugged. "Anyone I did connect with sexually would have to understand that it would never be more than just physical. Its a lot to ask someone not to get attached."

"Well if you found the right person," Abby said. "Clarke would not hold it against you."

Niylah was silent. "I know," she said finally. "But I would hold it against myself."

–

Clarke listened to her story with rapt attention. "She was right, you know. I could never wish you to be lonely down there for these years, even if I was up here. I don't blame you or judge you in any way for that."

Niylah sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled Clarke down beside her. "You may not judge or blame me, but I was hard on myself. Every time I gave in to physically with the one who was not you I was heartsick for weeks. I wanted her to be you, and she never was. She couldn't compare to you. And to her credit she never tried. She knew it was just a release."

Clarke rubbed her hand soothingly. "It's ok, I'm here now. And I'm not leaving you again." She threaded her fingers deep into Niylah's hair, pulling their lips together. Every ounce of pent up need and desire for the woman in her arms came to a head, and she couldn't stop the low groan building deep in her throat. Niylah chuckled and pulled back only long enough to climb into the younger girl's lap, then she deepened their kiss. Clarke's hands slid under her shirt to feel the smooth skin there, and she nipped lightly at Niylah's lips with her teeth.

Not to be outdone, Niylah wrenched Clarke's shirt quickly over her head, tossing it to the side in her quest to rejoin their kiss.

It was fierce, passionate, and everything Clarke had dreamed of during their long separation. She couldn't keep her hands from shaking at the feel of Niylah's skin once again.

"Clarke?" The other woman whispered against her lips, feeling the hesitation. She willed her hands to settle, for the nerves to leave.

"I just worried I'd never get this chance again. Now that I'm holding you... It almost doesn't seem real."

Niylah's arms wrapped around Clarke's neck, and she pulled the other woman tightly to her chest. "Feel that?" She asked Clarke simply. "My heart beats for you, Clarke. For you alone. I am right here. Here with you."

Clarke smirked. "I'd feel it better if you weren't so overdressed." Niylah pulled back to raise one eye brow.

"You'll have to fix that, then." She raised her arms and allowed Clarke to tug the offending article up and off her body. When Clarke's hands returned to her, they were no longer shaking. With emotions finally centered, Clarke moved gentle kisses down the length of Niylah's leonine neck.

Niylah responded by pushing Clarke down to the bed roughly, straddling her hips, and running her hands up Clarke's torso. She paused briefly as her thumbs brushed against the sides of Clarke's breasts and Clarke's breath hitched. She raised her hands to touch Niylah, but she pushed Clarke's hands back down.

"No." She said simply. "I've waited six years to touch you like this."

"Then you'd better not wait much longer," Clarke breathed out. Niylah took the suggestion seriously, making short work of Clarke's pants. When the sky girl was finally naked below her, she gazed over her slowly.

"Just going to look?" Clarke asked her. "Or are you going to touch too?" She spread her legs suggestively.

"I'm getting there," Niylah smirked confidently. "We have all night." Clarke nodded, relaxing back on the bed.

And she did get there. It certainly didn't take all night before Niylah's questing fingers were buried deep inside a moaning Clarke. And when she returned the favor, Clarke thought maybe six years wasn't so bad after all, as long as she got to have Niylah like this once more.

* * *

"Good morning," Clarke purred in Niylah's ear in the morning. She had been right; The light that filtered down through the skylights glistened brilliantly off Clarke's bare skin.

"Good morning love," Niylah responded, her eyes focusing on Clarke's face, inches from her own.

"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Clarke admitted. "I wouldn't mind hearing it every morning, if you want?" She looked into Niylah's eyes vulnerably.

"Sounds like the perfect way to spend a life," Niylah smiled at her, drawing her in for a kiss.


End file.
